I Am Content

I have been struggling with this topic for over a year now. I have been debating wether I should even talk about it but this subject keeps calling to me.

I have been a loyal reader of C. Jane Kendrick's Blog for many years and have loved her fresh outlook on being happy with one's body and loving yourself no matter what. But lately I find myself not checking her blog for weeks at a time.

Her post last week really hit a nerve and I have been trying to put my feelings about it down on paper but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't properly articulate my feelings. I decided to scroll through the comments to see if anyone felt the exact things things I did and if anyone was able to put into words what I could not.

Here is what I found.

Andrea - I think wanting to ordain women is the most anti-feminist, anti-women stance I've ever heard in my life. It negates all the doctrine about how incredible and powerful and complete women are. It implies that Eve was lesser somehow than Adam or that Emma was lesser than Joseph because they didn't hold a certain type of priesthood. Ridiculous. We are all endowed with priesthood power in the temple and have equal access to all privileges and blessings. The family is the nucleus of the church--not the other way around.

I'm tired of women telling me that I'm lesser because I don't have the priesthood. Phooey. I'm also tired of women acting like priesthood responsibilities somehow define service in the world. Again, phooey. I'm also tired of women apologizing for motherhood as though it only applies to women with children. Eve was the mother of all living before she was capable of having children. Motherhood defines our natures--not our callings.

Can we please get past the view of equality as sameness and really claim the power we have as women now and always have. Eve had the same saving power as Adam--without holding the same callings in the priesthood. That hasn't changed. Our inability to grasp our own amazingness is sad.

Michelle - C. Jane I love you for being honest and open about what is in your heart. It is my quest to be real, authentic, and vulnerable and not feel boxed in by my religious culture. Thank you for your example!

I guess I fall into the category of the women who don't really want to be ordained, and therefore feel content with where I am. I like to think it is not because I lack open mindedness, but rather because I feel like asking to be ordained is a little redundant. I have thought a lot about it, and I cannot see how being ordained to the priesthood would bless my life anymore than the priesthood is already blessing my life.

When I was 21 years old I served in a priesthood role as a missionary for the church, representing Jesus Christ and wearing his name on my tag just like the young men I served with. I have taught the gospel with power, clarity, and even the authority of the priesthood as a Relief Society president, Young Women's president, Primary president, and other various callings within the church. I have made priesthood covenants and received priesthood ordinances and have access to the priesthood power because of these personal covenants between myself and my Savior Jesus Christ. I live with the understanding that I am a priestess in the making, fulling participating in God's plan for his children under the power and authority of God. These are all blessings and privileges I have received independently of what my father, brothers, and husband choose to do with their lives and the reasons why I personally do not understand the need for women to be ordained to the priesthood. I realize that not everyone agrees with my views, but the way I see it, I am already fully engaged as a participant in all of the priesthood blessings available to God's children.

Ordination allows for holding certain priesthood keys and performing ordinances. In my opinion it is not a sign of inequality. It is an administrative and service role for men in the same way the callings I have participated in (listed above) are for women. Anytime I have been issued a calling in the church, hands have been placed on my head to set me apart and give me (priesthood) power to do my calling, so in a sense I have been "ordained" to serve in God's kingdom, just like the men I love and honor and work alongside.

If it is God's will that his daughters are ordained, I will welcome that when it comes. It just isn't something I feel is needed for us to grow and progress. It will be interesting to see what lies ahead!

Melissa- I grew up in a small-part member family and in the south, no less where I was the one who usually held the different beliefs than everyone else, so I totally believe in being respectful of other's beliefs. I had to learn to stand up for the church when I was the only one and it isn't easy. So I don't want to sound judgmental at all, but I do wish to express why I feel differently on this issue.

I believe as women we are born with intuition, an inclination to nurture, and a tenderness that is different to that of our brothers. As women we bear and raise our own and even other's children. We are usually the ones to take care of aged parents. We take meals to neighbors, write a letter or card, remember birthdays, and cry or mourn with those that mourn. I believe these are strengths! To build and support one another is one of the things our Father in Heaven loves about us and needs from us!

I believe that the priesthood is given to MEN as THEIR opportunity to serve. They can't use the priesthood on themselves- only to bless others and we all are entitled to the blessings! I don't think that men having the priesthood makes us unequal to them. I believe without the priesthood, they would be UNEQUAL to us. :)

We naturally serve and sometimes the men need the nudge. Our Heavenly Father gave them the priesthood as a responsibility.

I don't need the priesthood because I know my role is divine just how it is and honestly I could use a little less responsibility on my plate (not more) if ya know what I mean! :)

Lots of love from one sister to another. 

I was so happy to see that I found not one but two women who put into words everything I was feeling. I still love C. Jane for helping me to love myself and how to step out from behind the camera and make memories not for my children but WITH my children.

Funky Town

I have been in quite a funk this last year. I was on top of all the household chores and things were great. Then, I broke my wrist and my back problems got worse and nothing has been the same since.

My depression and anxiety seem to be under control but then I look at my home and I feel like a failure and it's like I am letting my Mom down and then my depression gets the best of me. I struggle daily with keeping on top on the chores and Homeschool. Chores have taken a major back seat and I can never ever seem to have it all done at the same time. This really upsets my OCD and gets me riled up and grumpy. I am learning to let this all go, not too much though.

Homeschool has to come first, because it is obviously very important. I could send the kids back to public school but with Sage's learning disabilities that is just not an option. So, when I feel down and out and extremely hopeless all I have to do is look at my kids and I instantly see that all of the sacrifice and not having a perfect home is worth it.

TLC Academy's SPED Program has moved mountains for Sage and go completely out of their way to make sure that he succeeds on his own terms not by the ridiculous state standards he is now at grade level in math, l.arts, and above grade level in s.studies and science. Aurora is above grade level in all subjects. She has grown so much for the better and also made life long friends in TLC Academy's A.I.M Program. 

Describe the perfect Summer day

I'm not a huge fan of actual Summer but I love the month of May and the weather that leads up to summer. The sky is always gray in the mornings and I love to sit out on the deck in my chair reading a book while the kids play on the trampoline or play in the water. We also love to spend the weekend grilling or just hanging out as a family at the beach.

What most convinced you of your choice of spouse?

When I first met Robert I was immediately attracted to his personality. He was different from any other boy I had been interested in and that was a big plus. We got to know each other better and his personality helped me to relax since I was always hurrying and he was very laid back. He still complements my craziness and helps to remind me to slow down and enjoy the kids and our little family.

Where were you when 9/11 happened?

I was at home in bed when my Mom called and told me about the first tower being hit. I got up and turned on the T.V. and watched the second tower get hit. I got up and went to work and then came home since we ended up closing the store for the day.

Tell about all of the places you worked

I started doing daycare with my Mom during the Summers when I was 12. My first paying job was at Mervyn's in College Grove from 9/99-2/01. I transferred to a Mervyn's in Utah and worked there until 1/02. I was unempolyed for a long time due to my wedding and two failed pregnancies. I started working again at Kindercare in West Jordan, Utah in 5/03 and quit two months later. When we moved back to San Diego in 12/03 I started working with my Mom again and after her death I took over her daycare business where I still watch the Rinder/Hunt girls.

Describe your first home as a young couple.

We had the most amazing apartment in Taylorsville, Utah. It was a basement Apartment but was so beautiful! I wish I had pictures of it. When you walked in the front door and stepped to the left our living room was right there and the huge kitchen was off to the left of that. It had a huge pantry and I miss it sooooo much. From the door if you turn right there was a little hallway with a bathroom to the right and a bedroom straight ahead of that with an even bigger walk in closet. It really was a great apartment and we were lucky to have it.

Tell about your favorite relative.

I have a lot of favorites. My cousins though are simply amazing! Jerilyn, Liz and Christine are more like sisters to me than cousins. I know that I can count on them for anything.

What is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to you? The worst?

The most wonderful thing was meeting Robert and then marrying him in the San Diego Temple. That was the happiest day of my life. The days our children were born are close second.

The worst thing was losing Hayden. It took us a long time to get through that horrible tragedy but we have come out of it stronger and more united. We still miss him more than anything but we know that we will see him again and we find comfort in the fact that our children know about him and love him. The next worst day came last year on August 18, 2010 which was the day that my Mother passed away and joined Hayden. I'm still miss her everyday and love to remember her with the kids who talk about her everyday. She will always be with us and remembered for her amazing strength and courage.

What kind of foods do you consider picnic foods? Where do you like to picnic?

We love picnics in our family! Our favorite foods for picnics would be subway sandwiches, KFC, taco salads or just homemade sandwiches. We love to have picnics at the beach but our favorite place is Spanish Landing or Harbor Island.

Tell about favorite games you played as a child.

I don't really have a specific actual game that I remember loving to play. I was always pretending something. I had this little dresser with a drawer in the center just like the one in CINDERELLA, my Mom had made me little clothes just like in the movie and I would pretend to be Cinderella and dress up my imaginary mouse friends. I also loved to play Mom. I had lots of baby dolls and clothes that my Mom had made for them. The Riggins and I would play PIONEERS and roam the hill and make soup out of ice plant and mud and we always had a great time. One year when It had rained for a week straight we had a huge sink hole in our yard and so we put a 2x4 over it and we would pretend to be tight rope walkers. We also had a huge tree in my yard and we would all pretend to be monkeys hanging off the tree and swinging off it onto the grass. I had a great Childhood.

How did you feel about school?

School was a four letter word for me. It just wasn't my thing. I wasn't very good at it and had to work hard to get passing grades. It didn't get enjoyable until High School when I had Choir and Film Classes to keep me interested in going.

What do you fantasize about being or doing?

I dream about being a Professional Chef and owning my own restaurant but for now I'm perfectly happy cooking for my family and teaching my kids how to cook.

What was the first piece of furniture you bought?

The first thing that I bought was the futon couch and kitchen table for our first apartment. I thought they were so cool then. I LOVE my little table still but that futon had to go.

Describe the perfect Autumn day.

The perfect autumn day would be spent in Utah in Big Cottonwood Canyon at Silver Lake or Silver Pond as Robert and I like to call it. I still remember the day that Robert and I took our engagement pictures there. The trees were beautiful shades of red, orange, and yellow. That's also the place where he proposed to me at the end of Summer in 2001.

Did you have a childhood hideout? Where? Describe it.

My Childhood hideout is seriously the best hideout ever! My neighbor had a built in laundry cabinet like thing in her bathroom that had a little curtain to hide the dirty clothes. My neighbor and I would take all the dirty clothes out and hang out all afternoon in this cubby. Her Mom, who by the way the best Mom ever second only to my Mom of course. She would bake us cookies and we'd sit in our hideout eating cookies and milk while playing barbies. It was AWESOME!

What is your favorite scripture? Why?

Alma 48:17 says that if all men were like Moroni that the very powers of hell would be shaken forever. I think it's pretty self explanatory why I love that scripture. Imagine if ALL men were like Moroni, this world would be a much better place.

What are your favorite flowers, colors, activities and hobbies?

It's hard to pick just a few flowers because I love almost all flowers. My favorite color is Pink and all shades of it. I love to read and listen to music. My favorite hobby is card making and scrapbooking.

Thinking back, was there a teacher or class that had a great influence on you?

In 9th and 10th grade I had the most amazing Choir Director EVER! She taught me to love music and taught me how much joy it can bring to your life. She will always be my role model for how to teach music to my children and hopefully they'll love it as much as I do.

Tell how you feel about water - playing in it, using it.

 I love to play in water except for rivers, lakes and ponds, only because I can't see where my feet are. I prefer pools for swimming, I do enjoy going to the beach but I don't like going out too far. I think I might be more comfortable in the ocean if it were as clear as the ocean is in Oregon. I don't like drinking water by itself, it has a weird taste to it. We don't drink tap water in our house, we have water delivered so we can avoid all the funky nasty stuff in the water.